Today has been a hard day. I had another ultrasound today. Dr. T told me he thinks we will get fewer eggs this time. Nothing we can control. Just is what it is.
But hearing that makes me feel like I am failing.
Like my biggest desire is going to fall short- I may not get to be a "real" mom.
I am trying not to panic at the thought of it.
I am trying to remember we have one healthy embryo on ice.
That in the end, I can be a mom, even if I don't give birth to a baby.
And I am trying to have faith. Trying to remember that this may just be a small obstacle to overcome, so that when my precious Babycakes is here, that I will know in my heart completely, that J and I both wanted him/her to be our precious baby. That I will know how hard fought this baby was, and will relish the victory of them being mine. I am just going to keep praying.
It has been a weird day. I see babies and pregnant people EVERYWHERE. My old hairdresser had her baby today. I log on to Facebook and wait to see more announcements of people who are expecting. And I try not to be bitter. I try and hang on to the possibility. To the fact that Dr. T still thinks it will all work for me because he can't find anything to indicate that it won't. I am holding out hope. I am hanging in there for faith. Our baby will be here...I just hope it is soon...
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