Holding Pattern

I finished up the BC pills on Saturday.  I am in the holding pattern this week.  Wednesday is my baseline ultrasound, and after I get a good report there, I think I will feel better.  This time around, likely because of the last cycle, I just feel uneasy.  I am not nervous, but anxious.  I want this cycle to go well, and I am very much hoping for more eggs/fertilization/blastocysts.  I have had this uneasy feeling that it may not work.  That the FET might not go well.  And I am trying not to get worked up, and I am trying to have faith.  I have to have faith that God would not bring everything together this far to not give us a little baby.  I will be a mom, I just have to be patient, and calm down.  I cannot let myself flip out…but it is so hard. 

 

I am definitely feeling more hormonal this time around.  I just want to snap at everyone. All. The. Time.  I know I can’t, but in the moment, I just feel better.  It is awful, I know.  But I just feel so out of control.  And so fat.  And so bored.  And so blah.  Just a few more days and then I will feel like I am back to actively doing something again.  I can make it!  Then, I will have to schedule my follow up and get our news.  Back to the pattern, and this is only my 2^nd time.  I don’t know how people can live like this for years…but I guess you do.  You figure it out and you do.

 Still 20 units Lupron, prenatals, CoQ10, and baby aspirin.  No more birth control pills...for about a month.