Emptiness, Sounds Alot Like Empty Nest

Dr. T thinks we will get maybe 5-6 eggs.  This is a depressing thought to me, I was greedy, and hoped for more.  He said maybe Wednesday or Thursday for the retrieval, so more holding pattern, more waiting.  Nothing is going the same as last time...it is taking longer, not seeing as much.  All I can hope for is that we didn't get the greatest results last time, so maybe this time, it will be better?  I am just kind of dead about it all.  I try not to think too much about it because it will just make me sad.  So, instead I am just empty inside.  I don't walk around like the hollow shell people you see, I fake it pretty well.  In fact, most people would have no idea how much I feel like I am barely hanging on by a thread.  But if you could see me on the inside, you would know I am just dead right now...well, maybe not dead yet, but in a deep hibernation.  And the emptiness I feel inside right now, it just gives me a bad feeling about it all.  I know I should be more optimistic, as it does actually help, placebo effect and all, but I guess I am like so many out there going through IVF...you have to shut off a little of yourself to not get crushed in this process.  And you still do, but you just think and hope that maybe by shutting off a little bit (or a lot), it saved you a little.  I am hoping it will be a joyous process here soon though.  Please God, send me a little baby, and if it is not too much to ask for, can it be a set of pigtails so J will be thrilled too??