Late Update

I haven't posted in a while.  Just been busy and tired, and not always feeling 100%.  I have been very lucky and not had any major morning sickness...a few times I felt like I was going to be sick and was able to keep it under control.  However, I have been very tired a lot of the time, and had some pretty nasty heartburn.

I have tried all the advice to avoid the heartburn and none of it works.  It gets worse in the evening.  Poor Jason has to fend for himself some because by the time dinner comes around sometimes, all I can eat is bread.  I think if I could do milk more, it might be better, but between my stomach and thyroid meds, there isn't much of a milk option.

I went to my 8 week ultrasound last Friday and all looks good.  The doctor felt comfortable starting to wean me off the meds, and my butt is rejoicing!  I will still have a little while of shots while we work our way off them, but knowing an end is in sight is glorious!!!

After I was done with my appointment, I headed to the mall and got me some maternity jeans.  I guess I technically don't "need" them yet, but they are just so much more comfortable than my regular jeans...and I don't want a belt or a button poking and smashing my baby!!  Elastic waistbands for the win!!

I have been super craving Cuties- but I am not sure it is baby related...I always love them and only seem to really find awesome ones during this time of the year.  So, I have been eating my fair share when the heartburn allows it.

Overall, everything is great.  I am happy, Jason is happy, and we are just loving our little butterbean that is growing like crazy!!

Heart Beating!!

We had the ultrasound!  It was so awesome!!  We got to hear the heartbeat!  It was strong and steady at 112 BPM!  I loved it!!  I am so excited that I can't quite put it all in words!  I love it all!!  Next appointment is November 14th!

Moving Along

I had my patch day 11 ultrasound to check my uterine lining.  Everything looked good.  It was triple layered (as it should be) and 12mm thick (between the 8-13mm range that is optimum), which was good to hear!  I had been VERY nervous that we would encounter another hiccup.  Instead, my nurse got hiccups while she was checking me out!  Haha!  I will take those hiccups over the ones we were having before!  ANYDAY and twice on Sunday!!

So, now I am just waiting it out until the 3rd.  It is going to be so hard- I am impatient by nature, and the nerves and anticipation may all just be too much!  But I can make it through- I have done it before, and I can do it this time.  It won't be easy, but if it works, it will be worth it!

A Little Hiccup

So, I had my hysteroscopy on Monday.  I was supposed to have my baseline appointment today.  I went in, and of course, I got there early.  They took me back and I sat there for a while, and waited while Dr. C finished up another procedure.  I was seeing Dr. C because Dr. T was out of town, and I needed to get it done before Dr. T would be back. 

 

Dr. C finally came in (I had to wait a while, but oh well, I understand, and when I am having a procedure and need extra time, I want them giving it to me!), and we chatted and started.  He said I wouldn’t need to come in for another baseline because it wasn’t going to change enough in 2.5 days to make it worth another trip down- woohoo!  Save me some vacation or sick leave.  Then, as he got in to my uterus, we saw them…thin, fingerlike, little polyps.  Uh-oh!  I got concerned.  He said not to be.  But that he wanted me to come back in after I start my period.  He thinks they are just little piece of my lining and will come out with my period, and if not, he said they are small, so I can have them removed and it shouldn’t affect my transfer.  I am still nervous.  But I did realize I like seeing Dr. C.  He is pretty straightforward, and that makes me feel calmer about it all than Dr. T’s lack of details at times.  I can make it through if I have all the info, I can process and deal with it.  But the “what ifs” and “not so sures” are scary.  And I think Dr. T does it to try and prevent worry, but in someone like me, I want to know the best, worst, and most likely cases.  I am an engineer…this is the life I live in, and if I know what my ends are and what is likely, I can make it through.  So, I think if we have to do another round after this one, I will likely try and switch to Dr. C.  I am hoping I won’t have to though.  I am hoping that this one will work.  And I will see how I feel about it all after Monday, when I go in for my next hysteroscopy…

Tough Day

Today has been a hard day.  I had another ultrasound today.  Dr. T told me he thinks we will get fewer eggs this time.  Nothing we can control. Just is what it is.

But hearing that makes me feel like I am failing.

Like my biggest desire is going to fall short- I may not get to be a "real" mom.

I am trying not to panic at the thought of it.

 I am trying to remember we have one healthy embryo on ice.

That in the end, I can be a mom, even if I don't give birth to a baby.

And I am trying to have faith.  Trying to remember that this may just be a small obstacle to overcome, so that when my precious Babycakes is here, that I will know in my heart completely, that J and I both wanted him/her to be our precious baby.  That I will know how hard fought this baby was, and will relish the victory of them being mine.  I am just going to keep praying.

It has been a weird day.  I see babies and pregnant people EVERYWHERE.  My old hairdresser had her baby today.  I log on to Facebook and wait to see more announcements of people who are expecting.  And I try not to be bitter.  I try and hang on to the possibility.  To the fact that Dr. T still thinks it will all work for me because he can't find anything to indicate that it won't.  I am holding out hope.  I am hanging in there for faith.  Our baby will be here...I just hope it is soon...

Back in the Stirrups

Today was the first day of monitoring.  It was a little stressful.  This first day is always one that is a little nerve-wracking to me.  I think it is just because it is that moment of truth appointment- does everything look like it is starting to work?

Today marks the start of monitoring for Round 2.  Another round of the daily stirrup show...

I had to drive in to town today for the appointment.  I had to go in to work, then had to take off from there.  I was all packed and loaded last night, so I could leave from the office.  I ran by the store to see J and say bye for the week, but of course, they got a rush, and he and I just got a quick kiss.  Then I was a speed demon the whole way here.  I miss him already, and it was so sad not to get a real goodbye.

I got in to my appointment just in time.  I got put in the back corner room- the procedure room.  I hate the room back there because it always seems like you get forgotten about back there.  I went back and changed.  And waited...and waited...and waited.  I know that IVF is very much about the hurry up and wait, but today completely demonstrated that point.  The nurse came in, and she had a trainee with her.  She was learning to do the ultrasounds.  I didn't mind being the guinea pig at first, but then she started to make me nervous because she couldn't see many follicles.  I didn't know if it was because they weren't there and growing or if it was because she was learning.  I know it is still early, so they are small and harder to see, but I was starting to sweat the small stuff- my small follicles!  They measured everything and then told me to wait while they went to talk to the doctor.  I waited and waited...I waited so long that another nurse came back to prep the room for someone else and saw me and went to get someone.  Dr. T came in soon after that and did the ultrasound again.  He made me feel better.  He thinks we may get another 7-9 eggs (similar to last time).  It wasn't the news I was hoping for, as I was hoping for more than last time, but after the first ultrasound, I was happy for that many since they only found 4 to measure.  Dr. T did up my Menopur dosage to 3 vials in 1 cc dilutent, and Follistim stayed at 225, and Lupron at 5.  I am hoping this will make the follicles grow- and that my eggs will be strong and healthy.  I am desperately hoping and praying that we will have good fertilization and embryo growth.  And J is still hoping for some pigtails.  I just want a healthy, happy baby to come from all this, and hopefully, on our first transfer...

Baseline...here we go again...

I had my baseline appointment yesterday.  I drove the 3 hours down to the appointment and got there just in time to circle the parking garage 6 times before I found a space.  I swear some times that is the worst part of the whole process- trying to find parking!  UGH!  I got in just in time.  They had a new receptionist, and she was super sweet.  I think All IVF clinics need super sweet receptionists.  Let’s face it, we are all either new to this and nervous or experienced and just a little bit damaged goods as we are walking in there- someone nice and sweet just helps.

 

My favorite nurse there did my baseline- everything looked ok.  My right ovary is super cooperative, and my left tried to hide.  We could hardly see it, and trying to identify follicles on it was pretty tough.  I am hoping it will cooperate.  They upped my Follistim dose from last time.  I was at 150 and now will be at 225.  Hopefully, that will mean better results.  My ovaries looked like they had the same number of antral follicles.  Not a ton, but not considered low.  Just maybe normal to low.  It is hard to say since it is so hard to see my left ovary.  Today, I hate my left ovary.  I just wish it were in a normal spot so it would be easy to access and see!  UGH!  I was fine with it all yesterday, but today when I think of it, I just want to cry about it.  But I am holding up ok… J was sweet yesterday when I texted him about it, and said “Awesome, bebe pigtails are coming”…it is cute because we call each other Bebe…so bebe pigtails would be our little girl, a little me.

 

I am trying to keep hopeful and faithful.  It is hard this time. I think it is the anxiety of knowing how last time turned out.  But I tell myself, if we get to the end and only have one more this time, we have doubled what we had before we started.  And it gives us two chances.  It just takes one, right?