Pokey, Hokey?

I had an appointment for another round of acupuncture today.  I went in and Dr. St. Clair met with me for a follow up before going in to stick me.  She took my pulses and asked me questions about how I was feeling after the last appointment.  Then we went back and she did some needles in my back and feet.  After that round, we went on to the next round in my face, stomach, legs and feet.  The feet ones always hurt the most.  And when they go in, I feel a zing that goes all the way up my body and out my arms.   I was not a huge believer, but feeling that each time has made me a little more inclined to believe.


Ok, I just lost my train of thought...the TV is on and I heard a commercial on an extreme parenting show and a mom said, "Sex is just a hug that involves our genitals." and I AM JUST ALL WTF? So BIZARRE!

9 Days

It is 9 days until my FET...and I am an emotional wreck!  Not in the "I am so nervous" kind of way, but more in the "My hormones are out of control" kind of way.  And the Lupron is finally causing me some insomnia.  So, not only am I emotional, but I am weirdly tired and really awake all at the same time.  Is this what people on hardcore drugs are like- no thanks to any of that!!

So, 9 days out and it is just more shots and more patches.  I am on 3 patches and 5 units of Lupron still.  My legs are super tender.  I guess after 4 months of shooting Lupron in them (and Follistim for a while too), they have hit their limits and are rebelling on me.  Or at least my left leg is.  I used to not bleed much and it never really "hurt"- might sting, but I was a big girl and could deal with it.  Now my left left HURTS- as in bring out the ice pack it is THROBBING!! My right leg definitely feels more sensitive than before, but nowhere near as sensitive as the left.  Thank goodness only a few more days of Lupron- hopefully for a really, really long time!  Then on to the progesterone in oil- but at least it is more in my hip/butt and not my thighs!

So, I am seeing a lot more posts on Facebook about people being pregnant.  Most are friends of friends, but it still stings a little.  I am just hoping it will be my turn soon...lots of prayers for that!!  Off to another acupuncture appointment now.  Maybe I will write more about it soon.

T-Minus 15 and Counting

I had my first acupuncture treatment today.  It wasn't bad at all.  Mostly pleasant- in fact, the hardest part was staying that still!  I am not sure if I believe in all it, but I am willing to try it.

Today is 15 days out to our FET.  I am getting nervous about it- but in a good way...I am getting anxiously excited about it all.  I can't wait to have the feeling of knowing my baby is inside me.  I am hoping and praying he decides to stay for 9 more months!!

I have continued on the Lupron (currently at 5 units) and am wearing 1 estrogen patch.  On Thursday, I up my patch count to 2.  Never in my life did I anticipate being excited about patches and upping my patch counts.  But here I am.  And I am closer than I have ever been to having my wish come true!

Baby Girls

We went to dinner tonight.  Nothing big and shocking there.  But as we are sitting there, E makes a comment along the lines of why does Jason always wave and notice all the baby girls around. (there was a table behind us with a big family and they had several girls at the table) Aaron says it is because Jason never had a girl.  My heart broke at that moment and it made me so sad.  I had been really ok with having a baby boy until that moment, and then, it took all I had not to burst in to tears at the dinner table.  I still want my baby boy, but I want so desperately to give Jason a baby girl.  I just don't understand why we can't have one of each...

Countdown

I am under a month out of my FET.  I am trying not to turn in to a crazy person.  I am trying to just be a patient person and wait the process out.  I am back to giving myself shots, and that feels “normal” and like we are finally going somewhere again on this journey.  Today was my last birth control pill, hopefully ever, unless we decide to try for another. I am so ready to be pregnant, and I am so afraid that it is possible I won’t be.

I have thought more than I should about the “what-if” scenario if this doesn’t work.  What do I want to do?  What would J be willing to do?  How much extra “stuff” do we have left- I am not sure if I can convince him to do another TESA to keep trying… Do we consider a new clinic or stay with Dr. T?  There is another doctor at the same clinic we are at, so would we try working with him?  It is a lot to think about and I am not sure I am ready to really think about  it, but the thoughts keep creeping in.

We had our follow up with Dr. T on Friday.  We drove down there and J was in a bad mood- things were not going well at the store.  I hope that he thought it was worth it.  We went and talked about the thaw plan.  We are going to thaw our first little guy first, and the second one will be on standby for thawing if anything doesn’t look good.  

We also talked about the last cycle.  Dr. T didn’t have much to give me except that my left ovary doesn’t make much.  The right is a normally functioning one, and he said in all likelihood, my left ovary is fine for “normal” use, but doesn’t respond well to additional stimulation.  He said both times we cycled, it responded and looked fine, but just had low follicle count.  Overall, he said not to worry much because we do get a healthy embryo each time with the biopsy.  I cried but we all agree it must be the hormones.  He thinks I am not normally that emotional...J may disagree, but in front of others, I normally keep it together.  Like Dr. T said, we had to have some hard conversations during the last cycle about how many eggs we would get and I didn't cry then, so I must not be a crier. ;)

Speaking of biopsied embryos, it looks like we have about a 50% chance of getting pregnant.  It may be slightly lower since we are doing a single embryo transfer, or maybe slightly higher.  They don’t have enough biopsied embryo transfers to have adequate sample size to track it by single or multiple embryo transfers or by age.  I will take my 50% odds- it is better than naturally conceiving, and even better than most IVF cycles.  

So, now it is just a matter of giving my injections, and taking my vitamins, and just working the process.  Tuesday is my next ultrasound, and we will see how it goes.  Hope and prayer for the best!