Another Hiccup...

Well, I had another hystroscopy yesterday.  Everything looked good- the polyps were all gone!  Woohoo!!  But, while Dr. C was looking around, he saw what looked like a follicle on my left ovary.  So off for bloodwork I went.  Depending on what that said, I would know whether or not to proceed with my patches that started today.  I was a nervous wreck.  I know God is bigger than anything my body can come up with, but it was so hard to have to wait and see...luckily, they called me when I was driving home, and everything was OK.  I mean, seriously, I only make a couple of follicles when I am on the stims, and yet when I am on the lupron, that is supposed to suppress everything, I still make 1??  UGH!  But it is not affecting anything right now, so I guess that is all ok.  Just typical of this whole process for us!

I started my first patch today.  I am trying to be good and avoid all caffeine I can.  I did have a Chick-fil-A sweet tea yesterday.  Which is OK-I am technically allowed up to 150 mg a day, but have tried to eliminate all that I can.  The caffeine in chocolate is about all I am having, and most of it is milk, so it is pretty low.

So, I have been in a weird emotional place lately.  Both boys have made comments lately about wanting a little sister. It kills me knowing that we so desperately wanted a girl, and got boy embryos. I just am hoping that they come around to a little brother just the same.  And if it doesn't work this time, I am going to be praying again for a girl.

I don't know what God is trying to teach me lately, but I am just trying to listen, to have faith, and to be patient.  It is hard, the whole journey has been hard, but it will all be worth it!

Baby Girls

We went to dinner tonight.  Nothing big and shocking there.  But as we are sitting there, E makes a comment along the lines of why does Jason always wave and notice all the baby girls around. (there was a table behind us with a big family and they had several girls at the table) Aaron says it is because Jason never had a girl.  My heart broke at that moment and it made me so sad.  I had been really ok with having a baby boy until that moment, and then, it took all I had not to burst in to tears at the dinner table.  I still want my baby boy, but I want so desperately to give Jason a baby girl.  I just don't understand why we can't have one of each...

T-Minus 2.5 Days

Yesterday, we had our consult.  Dr. T was very nice, but I am not sure he totally understood how afraid I have been, and how brave I have tried to be.  I broke down in his office when I talked about how afraid I am that the embryo wouldn’t survive the thaw, and how I need to feel like I did my best to have a plan B.  He was concerned that the cost would be excessive, but J and I have reviewed the costs, and can swing it.  We can make the cost work, and while it is more than I had wanted to pay, it is a cost we can cover.   We start on Saturday with Round 2..t-minus 2.5 days and counting...

 

J is very tied to the idea of a girl, or as he calls it, Pigtails.  I saw a little more insight in to why yesterday too.  I think he wants to get to experience the side of sitting there and just watching his child instead of having to be the ever present coach, dad, mentor, etc.  And I don’t blame him.  I want him to get to have leisurely time with his child, not always structured.  He said he would feel guilty if it were a boy and he didn’t coach and do all he has done for his boys.  I get that.  I hope I can give him a girl.  But I also know we will love and support a boy too, and he will never question if we love him any less.

 

Today, I got the call about my meds.  They are so much cheaper this time around.  I have some left over, so I didn’t have to order as much, and Dr. T’s office gave me some of the Follistim that they had available.  That is a huge help.  The nurses there are so nice, and I want to get to do something nice for all of them.  I am thinking I may make a bunch of cookies or cupcakes the weekend before I start my next round and take them up there for my first appointment.  They have just been super awesome, and I think it would be a nice thank you.  We will see if I can swing that before I leave. J