Countdown

I am under a month out of my FET.  I am trying not to turn in to a crazy person.  I am trying to just be a patient person and wait the process out.  I am back to giving myself shots, and that feels “normal” and like we are finally going somewhere again on this journey.  Today was my last birth control pill, hopefully ever, unless we decide to try for another. I am so ready to be pregnant, and I am so afraid that it is possible I won’t be.

I have thought more than I should about the “what-if” scenario if this doesn’t work.  What do I want to do?  What would J be willing to do?  How much extra “stuff” do we have left- I am not sure if I can convince him to do another TESA to keep trying… Do we consider a new clinic or stay with Dr. T?  There is another doctor at the same clinic we are at, so would we try working with him?  It is a lot to think about and I am not sure I am ready to really think about  it, but the thoughts keep creeping in.

We had our follow up with Dr. T on Friday.  We drove down there and J was in a bad mood- things were not going well at the store.  I hope that he thought it was worth it.  We went and talked about the thaw plan.  We are going to thaw our first little guy first, and the second one will be on standby for thawing if anything doesn’t look good.  

We also talked about the last cycle.  Dr. T didn’t have much to give me except that my left ovary doesn’t make much.  The right is a normally functioning one, and he said in all likelihood, my left ovary is fine for “normal” use, but doesn’t respond well to additional stimulation.  He said both times we cycled, it responded and looked fine, but just had low follicle count.  Overall, he said not to worry much because we do get a healthy embryo each time with the biopsy.  I cried but we all agree it must be the hormones.  He thinks I am not normally that emotional...J may disagree, but in front of others, I normally keep it together.  Like Dr. T said, we had to have some hard conversations during the last cycle about how many eggs we would get and I didn't cry then, so I must not be a crier. ;)

Speaking of biopsied embryos, it looks like we have about a 50% chance of getting pregnant.  It may be slightly lower since we are doing a single embryo transfer, or maybe slightly higher.  They don’t have enough biopsied embryo transfers to have adequate sample size to track it by single or multiple embryo transfers or by age.  I will take my 50% odds- it is better than naturally conceiving, and even better than most IVF cycles.  

So, now it is just a matter of giving my injections, and taking my vitamins, and just working the process.  Tuesday is my next ultrasound, and we will see how it goes.  Hope and prayer for the best!