Good News...

So, it has been a few days since we got the news back that our little embryo was normal.  I was very excited to hear that because that morning I had a bad feeling about it.  But the news did come back that it was a boy.  I was disappointed.  I had so very much hoped we could have a little girl one this time.  It would give us even just the small chance to have one of each, and for me to be able to give J a girl.  I know he very much wanted a girl, and while I am aware that it is the man that determines the gender of the baby, I also felt guilty that because of my low egg counts, we just didn’t have the numbers to play the statistical game and come out with at least one girl embryo. 

 

This process has been so hard on me.  I was completely not prepared to find out I would be a stumbling block for us on this journey.  I think had we been able to try on our own for a while and not be successful, I would have been prepared.  But since we thought the only reason we couldn’t get pregnant was because J had a vasectomy, I was not prepared at all.  Add to it that every doctor we saw talked about how healthy we were and how easy it would be for us since we didn’t show signs of infertility, and well, maybe naively, I thought it would be smooth sailing.  I never paid attention to the numbers or stats because I thought they wouldn’t apply to me- we were only there because a tube had been cut and the swimmers couldn’t reach the shore so to speak.  So, once we got the swimmers, we would be fine.  But it wasn’t the case.  Even though all my levels were good, all my parts looked fine, and I am healthy, I was damaged.  And it breaks my heart that it may prevent us from my dream of having a baby.

 

But I am faithful.  I believe God brought us to this point.  I have to believe He wouldn’t have brought us to this juncture without us getting to have a baby, there were too many chances for us not to arrive at this place.  We have two boy embryos, and that is a sign to us that we are meant for a boy.  And while I was disappointed at first, I am excited about it now.  Little boys love their mommas, and he will be mine.  He will love me so much, and I will love him more than words can ever say.  And I know J will love him too.  How can you not fall in love with your child?  In fact, at first, he seemed more excited about a little boy than I did. 

 

So, for now, we are just waiting to really start the FET process.  My meds came yesterday, and I have been on birth control.  The injections will start in July, first Lupron, and then the progesterone in oil.  Not looking forward to the PIO injections because those are some BIG needles, but if it brings me my baby boy, I will take it!!  Until then…just more prayers for delivering a healthy and happy baby in April 2015!!