Well, I have been bad at updating my progress!! Oops! Something about growing a tiny human inside of me has made it harder to have the energy to do everything I would like!
So, to catch up...I am officially off all my fertility meds! Woohoo! The weaning process was short and my body cooperated! I had my last appointment with the RE on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving! I am officially an infertility clinic graduate! Yay! And to be honest, I don't think that Jason and I will be back, except to visit and show off the belly and the baby!
After the great news at my Wednesday appointment, we told the boys and Jason's mom. And now we are telling everyone. It is exciting to get to share the news with people! I am hoping to be able to post it soon to Facebook and Instagram and then it will be out for the world to know!
I have been feeling pretty good, and have just been trying to enjoy being pregnant, although I would say that the first trimester is probably the hardest to just enjoy! I am so excited, but you don't really look pregnant, and I have been so tired, that it just seems like it is a dream some times. I think once the baby bump is really super popping (you know when people/strangers know you are pregnant and not just getting fat), and you can start feeling them move and all, then it will be more real, and easier to enjoy! Plus, I hear you get some extra energy in the 2nd ti...
I am already nesting...I want to clean up and clean out! I want everything just right...it is way early, and I can only imagine how much worse it might get.
Today, I am at the lab, I am having my first glucose tolerance test done...can I just say YUCK? I mean, the solution is not as bad as the colonoscopy prep solution, it is kind of like the nasty orange drink they served you in elementary school at parties- super sugar syrupy...and since I was on mostly water until my stomach started feeling queasy and then only drink Sprite/7up (and that feels super sugary), it was a shock to the system. But I got it down. Now I am waiting.
Tomorrow we tour the first hospital birthing center. Based on how we feel about it, we might tour the hospital in the next big town over. I have heard the second one is much nicer but I am not sure if I want to deal with changing doctors, etc. It will depend on what we see, I guess.
Ok, I am just sitting here, waiting, processing sugar, and hoping everything looks stellar!
Monday, December 8, 2014
Monday, November 17, 2014
Late Update
I haven't posted in a while. Just been busy and tired, and not always feeling 100%. I have been very lucky and not had any major morning sickness...a few times I felt like I was going to be sick and was able to keep it under control. However, I have been very tired a lot of the time, and had some pretty nasty heartburn.
I have tried all the advice to avoid the heartburn and none of it works. It gets worse in the evening. Poor Jason has to fend for himself some because by the time dinner comes around sometimes, all I can eat is bread. I think if I could do milk more, it might be better, but between my stomach and thyroid meds, there isn't much of a milk option.
I went to my 8 week ultrasound last Friday and all looks good. The doctor felt comfortable starting to wean me off the meds, and my butt is rejoicing! I will still have a little while of shots while we work our way off them, but knowing an end is in sight is glorious!!!
After I was done with my appointment, I headed to the mall and got me some maternity jeans. I guess I technically don't "need" them yet, but they are just so much more comfortable than my regular jeans...and I don't want a belt or a button poking and smashing my baby!! Elastic waistbands for the win!!
I have been super craving Cuties- but I am not sure it is baby related...I always love them and only seem to really find awesome ones during this time of the year. So, I have been eating my fair share when the heartburn allows it.
Overall, everything is great. I am happy, Jason is happy, and we are just loving our little butterbean that is growing like crazy!!
I have tried all the advice to avoid the heartburn and none of it works. It gets worse in the evening. Poor Jason has to fend for himself some because by the time dinner comes around sometimes, all I can eat is bread. I think if I could do milk more, it might be better, but between my stomach and thyroid meds, there isn't much of a milk option.
I went to my 8 week ultrasound last Friday and all looks good. The doctor felt comfortable starting to wean me off the meds, and my butt is rejoicing! I will still have a little while of shots while we work our way off them, but knowing an end is in sight is glorious!!!
After I was done with my appointment, I headed to the mall and got me some maternity jeans. I guess I technically don't "need" them yet, but they are just so much more comfortable than my regular jeans...and I don't want a belt or a button poking and smashing my baby!! Elastic waistbands for the win!!
I have been super craving Cuties- but I am not sure it is baby related...I always love them and only seem to really find awesome ones during this time of the year. So, I have been eating my fair share when the heartburn allows it.
Overall, everything is great. I am happy, Jason is happy, and we are just loving our little butterbean that is growing like crazy!!
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Heart Beating!!
We had the ultrasound! It was so awesome!! We got to hear the heartbeat! It was strong and steady at 112 BPM! I loved it!! I am so excited that I can't quite put it all in words! I love it all!! Next appointment is November 14th!
Monday, October 27, 2014
Morning Not Feeling Well- It Isn't Full Sickness Yet
We have made it to 6 weeks. I woke up today and felt an intense wave of puke coming on... I wasn't sure if I could keep it down. But I did. I talked myself off the edge and just laid there and let myself come down from the edge. I know I may not always be so lucky, but this morning, I was.
I was brushing my teeth and actually gagged too. I am hoping I won't get to the point I can't brush my teeth because I throw up. That will be gross!
Went to work, and all was good until about 10:30. I almost lost it again then. I ate a few Teddy Grahams and it seemed to help a little. I had lunch at 11:15 and still don't feel great, but do feel a little better. BUT I AM EXHAUSTED! I seriously wanted to lay down on the filthy carpet here at work and take a nap. This is seriously gross carpet- I am pretty sure they only vacuum once a quarter, maybe less...but I was so sleepy, it sounded like a possibly good plan. But since we have glass doors/walls, I was worried someone would see, think I fell/passed out and try to call 911. Wouldn't that be humiliating!! Instead, I am writing here and hoping I can get some energy from down deep!
Wednesday morning is our ultrasound...it is at 11:30. I am going to have to bring some snacks because I am not sure I can wait to have lunch without them. I am hoping to also get a Smallcakes Cupcake...I love them and the last several trips I haven't gotten any, but with good news, I am going to! A celebratory cupcake sounds fabulous!!
We are debating how long to wait to tell more people. I am getting anxious to let it out and I think Jason is too! Hopefully, it won't be too long!!
I was brushing my teeth and actually gagged too. I am hoping I won't get to the point I can't brush my teeth because I throw up. That will be gross!
Went to work, and all was good until about 10:30. I almost lost it again then. I ate a few Teddy Grahams and it seemed to help a little. I had lunch at 11:15 and still don't feel great, but do feel a little better. BUT I AM EXHAUSTED! I seriously wanted to lay down on the filthy carpet here at work and take a nap. This is seriously gross carpet- I am pretty sure they only vacuum once a quarter, maybe less...but I was so sleepy, it sounded like a possibly good plan. But since we have glass doors/walls, I was worried someone would see, think I fell/passed out and try to call 911. Wouldn't that be humiliating!! Instead, I am writing here and hoping I can get some energy from down deep!
Wednesday morning is our ultrasound...it is at 11:30. I am going to have to bring some snacks because I am not sure I can wait to have lunch without them. I am hoping to also get a Smallcakes Cupcake...I love them and the last several trips I haven't gotten any, but with good news, I am going to! A celebratory cupcake sounds fabulous!!
We are debating how long to wait to tell more people. I am getting anxious to let it out and I think Jason is too! Hopefully, it won't be too long!!
Friday, October 24, 2014
Waiting
The waiting game in IVF is definitely one of the hardest parts. When you first start this whole process you are scared of the shots- you see those big needles and think "Holy HELL, I have to stick myself with that!!"...and you understand why people pass out when they see needles. But then you start giving them to yourself, or if you are lucky, you have someone who can give them to you. You think you are going to make it through the worst part. But then you realize you haven't even gotten to the worst part yet.
After they have done the egg retrieval, the first wait begins. I mean you have been waiting before this, but those waits, they are nothing...they are excited waits, and the fear hasn't taken hold yet. But after they harvest you, then the crazy starts to set in. You start to think about and analyze what the numbers mean- did they get enough or too many? Too few and you might not have any make it out and too many, does it mean there is something wrong? If you are smart, you stay away from Google. But most of us are new, and we don't know, so you start Googling...and you start seeing statistics and trying to apply those to your eggs. You hope for 60-70% fertilization rate, and more if you can get it. Then you wait for the first call...to tell you how many made magic in the dish...
After that first call, it is more waiting..waiting to see how many grow to day 3...and what it means...what does the attrition rate of embryos mean, are my eggs bad, are my hopes and dreams over? Then you google and wait, and each second makes you feel a little more clammy and panicky...it sucks.
They call, and you get an update...some people make decisions to transfer then, but others of us, we wait it out longer...until day 5....and some of us, we wait even longer because they freeze them and run biopsies. You wait, and you wait...and you Google. Oh the bain of all IVF is Google! Why the info out there can be helpful, it can be so panic inducing to see some of the tragedies of IVF and all that is out there.
When they call and give you the results of the biopsy screening, you think the worst of the waiting is over...but you are just getting started. This has been a ramp up for the next round of waiting... and it is harder still!
If you do an FET, you realize you have a wait that is short, but scary. The wait during the thaw...where you are waiting to hear how your little embryo or embryos survived...did they make it, are they thriving and expanding and hatching, or are they coming apart, did they just not do anything, or are they not very active and you just have to take your chances? It it a hard wait, but luckily, a short one. It is the only real short one you get in all this IVF mess.
Once you get the news you are moving forward on you transfer, the transfer itself goes quickly. You would think the whole process would be slow and delicate, but it really is quite quick. Which means it leads you to The Wait...the dreaded two week wait...
During those two weeks, you analyze every feeling, pinch, twinge, bubble, twitch, thought, and dream. Once again, if you are new, you probably will hang out on Google. It will give you hope and tear it away with each click. You may be a tester...or you may be one who doesn't want to know until you have to. My first round, i was a tester...every day, I peed in a cup and dipped my little test, and waited...it should only take a few minutes, but I waited and then saw nothing, so i waited some more...hoping beyond all hope that faint line would appear. I took apart tests to see if the plastic casing was giving a weird reflection to prevent me from seeing it and was disappointed each day. For 9 days I waited and tested and saw nothing. Then, I went to have my blood drawn, and I waited to get the call to tell me my dreams for this cycle were dashed. Then, I had to wait to try again.
I went through all the waiting again for a second FET cycle, only this time, I learned. I stayed away from Google, and I didn't test. I wanted to hold on to my hope that there was a chance, and each test that came back negative destroyed that hope, so I didn't test. I waited, as patiently as i could, and then had to wait an extra day since my day 9 was on a Sunday.
That Monday, I got the best news, it was positive, and I had a good number- 166! I was thrilled! And then I realized I had to start waiting again! I had to wait until Wednesday to do my repeat draw and see if it increased and doubled. So, I waited. And the wait for that call was excruciating. I now had higher hopes and deeper dreams about what could be. I waited and counted each second, and tried to stay away from the dreaded Google. I waited and waited and tried not to panic...but your mind will do some crazy things, and you will imagine what if's like you never imagined before. And then you get your blood taken and you wait the longest wait yet....
Those minutes or hours that you are waiting are filled with every hope and fear. You are desperately hoping and praying for good news while being fearful and terrified of the potential for bad. I was so lucky on my second draw this time, I had good numbers (570). But I have seen the other side too. Today my friend got the call it wasn't doubling and barely increased. It means another miscarriage for her. She has been lucky and she had a son her first round of IVF, but this is their 3rd transfer, and out of 6 embryos, only one has made it. I am heartbroken for her. Her wait was the worst kind. The kind that didn't result in a wash of relief and joy.
As I sit here and wait until wednesday for our ultrasound to see if our little bean is still there, still growing, and has a heartbeat, I am terrified of the potential for heartbreak. And I realize that the waiting with IVF doesn't end...at least not until you deliver a healthy baby. We will always be afraid, because most of us have seen the potential for the disaster, we have witness the great let downs, the heartbreaks, the worst. But if we are lucky, we will make it to the best...to the delivery of our babies and we will celebrate that we overcame all that has tried to keep us down...and in the mean time, we wait.
After they have done the egg retrieval, the first wait begins. I mean you have been waiting before this, but those waits, they are nothing...they are excited waits, and the fear hasn't taken hold yet. But after they harvest you, then the crazy starts to set in. You start to think about and analyze what the numbers mean- did they get enough or too many? Too few and you might not have any make it out and too many, does it mean there is something wrong? If you are smart, you stay away from Google. But most of us are new, and we don't know, so you start Googling...and you start seeing statistics and trying to apply those to your eggs. You hope for 60-70% fertilization rate, and more if you can get it. Then you wait for the first call...to tell you how many made magic in the dish...
After that first call, it is more waiting..waiting to see how many grow to day 3...and what it means...what does the attrition rate of embryos mean, are my eggs bad, are my hopes and dreams over? Then you google and wait, and each second makes you feel a little more clammy and panicky...it sucks.
They call, and you get an update...some people make decisions to transfer then, but others of us, we wait it out longer...until day 5....and some of us, we wait even longer because they freeze them and run biopsies. You wait, and you wait...and you Google. Oh the bain of all IVF is Google! Why the info out there can be helpful, it can be so panic inducing to see some of the tragedies of IVF and all that is out there.
When they call and give you the results of the biopsy screening, you think the worst of the waiting is over...but you are just getting started. This has been a ramp up for the next round of waiting... and it is harder still!
If you do an FET, you realize you have a wait that is short, but scary. The wait during the thaw...where you are waiting to hear how your little embryo or embryos survived...did they make it, are they thriving and expanding and hatching, or are they coming apart, did they just not do anything, or are they not very active and you just have to take your chances? It it a hard wait, but luckily, a short one. It is the only real short one you get in all this IVF mess.
Once you get the news you are moving forward on you transfer, the transfer itself goes quickly. You would think the whole process would be slow and delicate, but it really is quite quick. Which means it leads you to The Wait...the dreaded two week wait...
During those two weeks, you analyze every feeling, pinch, twinge, bubble, twitch, thought, and dream. Once again, if you are new, you probably will hang out on Google. It will give you hope and tear it away with each click. You may be a tester...or you may be one who doesn't want to know until you have to. My first round, i was a tester...every day, I peed in a cup and dipped my little test, and waited...it should only take a few minutes, but I waited and then saw nothing, so i waited some more...hoping beyond all hope that faint line would appear. I took apart tests to see if the plastic casing was giving a weird reflection to prevent me from seeing it and was disappointed each day. For 9 days I waited and tested and saw nothing. Then, I went to have my blood drawn, and I waited to get the call to tell me my dreams for this cycle were dashed. Then, I had to wait to try again.
I went through all the waiting again for a second FET cycle, only this time, I learned. I stayed away from Google, and I didn't test. I wanted to hold on to my hope that there was a chance, and each test that came back negative destroyed that hope, so I didn't test. I waited, as patiently as i could, and then had to wait an extra day since my day 9 was on a Sunday.
That Monday, I got the best news, it was positive, and I had a good number- 166! I was thrilled! And then I realized I had to start waiting again! I had to wait until Wednesday to do my repeat draw and see if it increased and doubled. So, I waited. And the wait for that call was excruciating. I now had higher hopes and deeper dreams about what could be. I waited and counted each second, and tried to stay away from the dreaded Google. I waited and waited and tried not to panic...but your mind will do some crazy things, and you will imagine what if's like you never imagined before. And then you get your blood taken and you wait the longest wait yet....
Those minutes or hours that you are waiting are filled with every hope and fear. You are desperately hoping and praying for good news while being fearful and terrified of the potential for bad. I was so lucky on my second draw this time, I had good numbers (570). But I have seen the other side too. Today my friend got the call it wasn't doubling and barely increased. It means another miscarriage for her. She has been lucky and she had a son her first round of IVF, but this is their 3rd transfer, and out of 6 embryos, only one has made it. I am heartbroken for her. Her wait was the worst kind. The kind that didn't result in a wash of relief and joy.
As I sit here and wait until wednesday for our ultrasound to see if our little bean is still there, still growing, and has a heartbeat, I am terrified of the potential for heartbreak. And I realize that the waiting with IVF doesn't end...at least not until you deliver a healthy baby. We will always be afraid, because most of us have seen the potential for the disaster, we have witness the great let downs, the heartbreaks, the worst. But if we are lucky, we will make it to the best...to the delivery of our babies and we will celebrate that we overcame all that has tried to keep us down...and in the mean time, we wait.
Monday, October 20, 2014
Waiting It Out
I am trying to be patient while I wait for the ultrasound on the 29th. It is so very hard!! And in the mean time, I am trying not to go nuts! I get nervous! I am scared of something going wrong. But I am trying to trust God and just know it will all be ok. It is hard for me, I am a planner and like the control of knowing what is going on. This is something far from my comfort zone, but I know pregnancy will be like this, and so will being a parent. I guess this is part of my training...
As there is more to update, I will try and post, but right now, it is just waiting...and trying not to go crazy!!
As there is more to update, I will try and post, but right now, it is just waiting...and trying not to go crazy!!
Monday, October 13, 2014
Beta Day- Round Two
Today is Beta Day. I once again showed up at 6 in the morning when the lab doesn't open until 6:30. I know it opens at 6:30, but I can't sleep on Beta Day. So, I get up super early, get ready and go sit in the parking lot. Now I wait.
I went in and it is done. It was stressful this morning. They called me for my paperwork and the lady kept saying Dr. T was a new doctor in their system. I kept telling them I had been there 2 or 3 times in the last year and they managed to get him results then. They have his info, and they have Dr. C's. But she wouldn't use it for Dr. C. I was getting upset. She finally found Dr. T and then lectured me that his name was not in the system the same as the paperwork. Umm, lady, I didn't do either! I went back though, a very young lady took my blood, and I was out of there. Let the nerves begin! Off to work breakfast...at least it is a nice distraction.
I took the afternoon off from work. I think it will be good for me to get to freak out in the privacy of my own home. Because I know I will freak out. I will freak out waiting, I will freak out when I get the news (good or bad), and I will freak out some more I am sure. So, at least I am home!
OMG- the waiting is killing me! It is 2 and I am DYING!! I am really hoping Dr. T didn't call my desk phone again. I can't get in to my voicemail at work, so I really hope not!
THEY CALLED!!!
I went in and it is done. It was stressful this morning. They called me for my paperwork and the lady kept saying Dr. T was a new doctor in their system. I kept telling them I had been there 2 or 3 times in the last year and they managed to get him results then. They have his info, and they have Dr. C's. But she wouldn't use it for Dr. C. I was getting upset. She finally found Dr. T and then lectured me that his name was not in the system the same as the paperwork. Umm, lady, I didn't do either! I went back though, a very young lady took my blood, and I was out of there. Let the nerves begin! Off to work breakfast...at least it is a nice distraction.
I took the afternoon off from work. I think it will be good for me to get to freak out in the privacy of my own home. Because I know I will freak out. I will freak out waiting, I will freak out when I get the news (good or bad), and I will freak out some more I am sure. So, at least I am home!
OMG- the waiting is killing me! It is 2 and I am DYING!! I am really hoping Dr. T didn't call my desk phone again. I can't get in to my voicemail at work, so I really hope not!
THEY CALLED!!!
I answered and I was ready to cry before I even answered it. I said "Hello", and then waited...and it was a nurse! I got a little hopeful. She said they got my results in, and I said ok, and she said they were positive!!! IT WAS A POSITIVE BETA!! I started squealing, giggling, and laughing, all while crying too! She laughed at and said my level was 161 and it was really good! I was so excited. Then, she said just keep it all up and we will be ok.
I GOT A POSITIVE!!
I got up and went to the bathroom- I took a home test, so I could see what it looked like and felt like to have a pregnancy test come back positive!
It felting FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC! I loved it!
So, here is my little guy...
I am going to do whatever it takes to grow him big and strong! I cannot wait to hold him in my arms!
Wednesday, we rerun my numbers. Hopefully, they will have gone up and he will be growing more and more!!
So, they called back and my thyroid level is messed up. I am going to have to start meds tomorrow for it. I guess I get to do more blood work in my future! But needles don't phase me if it gives me my baby!!
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